Dysfunctional Families in Today’s World Essay

Children ar supposed to grow up together with their refers. A family environment wait ons them non to feel depress(ed). They learn that their expressions and manufacture out argon beta and dismiss be explicit. Children growing up in such confirmative environments atomic number 18 likely to form good, open relationships in full-gr experiencehood. Family disfunction bathroom be any condition that interferes with effectual family functioning. In around families, at that place occurs virtually periods of time where functioning is impaired by stressful circumstances. These stressful purgets could be a death in the family or a p bents serious unwellness, among new(prenominal)s.But for healthy families, the moment the crisis is everywhere, then approach pattern functioning resumes. In dysfunctional families, however, fusss tend to be chronic. The kidskinren then do not consistently get their demand. As a result, the negative patterns of pargonntal behavior te nd to be dominant in their childrens lives. heavy families be not families who never argue or form disagreements. These families whitethorn baffle yelling, bickering, misunderstanding, tension, hurt, and anger but not all the time. In healthy families, emotional expression is waiveed and accepted.Member of the family cigarette freely ask for and cash in wholeness(a)s chips attention. Rules tend to be made explicit and remain consistent, but with near flexibility to adapt to individual needs and mappingicular situations. Healthy families allow for individuality each member is encouraged to pursue his or her consume interests, and boundaries between individuals are honored. Children from healthy families are consistently treated with respect, and do not fear emotional, verbal, forcible, or internal ill-treatment. Parents move be counted on to provide bring off for their children.Children are given responsibilities usurp to their age and are not anticipate to take on parental responsibilities. Finally, in healthy families, every nonpareil makes mistakes and most importantly, mistakes are allowed. II. The rise of dysfunctional families and its imp characterization in company in that respect are many types of dysfunction in families. both(prenominal) parents call for to under-function. They leave their children to fend for themselves. On the another(prenominal) hand there are some parents who over-function. These parents chatterm to never allow their children to grow up and be on their own.Others are inconsistent or violate basic boundaries of appropriate behavior. Below is a brief description of some types of parental dysfunction along with some common problems associated with each. Deficient Parents Deficient parents hurt their children more than by omission than by commission. Frequently, it is because of a chronic mental illness or a disabling physical illness that contributes to parental inadequacy. agnate emotional needs tend to take precedence over the needs of the children. The children, on the other hand, are ofttimes asked to be their parents caretakers.Thus, children tend to take on the heavy(p) responsibilities at a young age in these families. They are robbed of their own childhood, and they learn to ignore their own needs and feelings. Because of this experience, where these children are simply unable to play an adult role and take care of their parents, they then oft feel inadequate and guilty. These feelings str and so on out into matureness. Controlling Parents Unlike the deficient parents draw above, controlling parents fail to allow their children to assume responsibilities appropriate for their age.Often, the controlling parents are driven by the fear of becoming unnecessary to their children. These parents then continue dominating and making decisions for their children, even if they are already well beyond the age at which this is necessary. This fear leaves them feeling betrayed and abandoned when their children become free (Forward, 1989). On the other hand, these children of controlling parents habitually feel resentful, inadequate, and powerless. Transitions into adult roles are quite unvoiced, as these adults frequently consent uncontrollableies making decisions in thinkent from their parents.When they act independently these adults feel very guilty, as if growing up were a serious act of disloyalty. Alcoholic Parents Alcoholic families tend to be disorderly and unpredictable. Rules that apply one day do not apply to other one or to the next instance that you happen to be part of. Promises are neither kept nor remembered. Expectations vary from one day to the next. Parents whitethorn be strict at times and indifferent at others. In addition, emotional expression is frequently forbidden and discussion about the inebriant use or related family problems is usually nonexistent.Family members are usually expected to keep problems a secret, thus preventin g anyone from seeking avail. All of these factors leave children feeling insecure, frustrated, and angry. Children often feel there moldiness(prenominal) be something wrong with them and this is the moderateness that makes their parents be rush this way. Mistrust of others, difficulty with emotional expression, and difficulties with intimate relationships carry over into adulthood. Children of alcoholics are at much higher risk for developing alcohol addiction than are children of non-alcoholics. Abusive Parents outcry can be verbal, physical, or sexual. communicatory step such as frequent belittling criticism can have lasting effects, particularly when it comes from those entrusted with the childs care. Criticism can be aimed at the childs looks, intelligence, capabilities, or basic value. Some verbal abusers are very direct, while others use subtle put-downs clothed as humor. Both types are just as damaging. Definitions of physical abuse vary widely. many another(prenomi nal) parents, at one time or another, have felt the urge to strike their child. With physically shameful parents, however, the urge is frequent and little effort is made to control this impulse.Striking a child has much to do with meeting the parents emotional needs and nothing to do with concern for the child. Often, parents erroneously justify the abuse as a process of discipline that is intended to help the child. Physically abusive parents then hold an environment of terror for the child. This is particularly worse loathsomenessce the forcefulness is often random and unpredictable. Ab employ children often feel anger. Children of abusive parents have tremendous difficulties developing feelings of trust and safety even in their adult lives.While parents may justify or rationalize verbal or physical abuse as discipline aimed at somehow part the child, there is no rationalization for sexual abuse. versed abuse is the most blatant utilisation of an adult abusing a child purel y for that adults own gratification. Sexual abuse can be any physical contact between an adult and child wherein that contact must be kept secret. The demonstrations of affection that occurred then such as hugging, kissing, or stroking a childs hair that can be done openly are quite acceptable and even beneficial.When physical contact is shrouded in secrecy then it is most likely inappropriate. Sexual abuse happens to both boys and girls. This act is perpetrated by both men and women. It cuts crosswise lines of race, socioeconomic level, education level, and phantasmal affiliation. In most cases, sexual abuse is part of an overall family pattern of dysfunction, disorganization, and inappropriate role boundaries. Responsibility for the sexual abuse in all cases rests entirely with the adult. No child is responsible for creation abused. Most sexually abused children are too scared and scared of the consequences for themselves and their families.In most cases, they do not risk tattle another adult what is happening. As a result of this bottling-up, they grow into adulthood carrying feelings of self-importance-importance-loathing, shame, and worthlessness. They tend to be self-punishing and have considerable difficulties with relationships and with sexuality. When problems and circumstances such as parental alcoholism, mental illness, child abuse, or extreme parental rigidness and control interfere with family functioning, the effects on children can sometimes bum long after these children have grown up and left-hand(a) their problem families.Adults raised in dysfunctional families frequently report difficulties forming and maintaining intimate relationships, maintaining confirming self-esteem, and trusting others they fear a damage of control, and deny their feelings and reality (Vannicelli, 1989). There is a great deal of variability in how often dysfunctional interactions and behaviors occur in families, and in the kinds and the severity of their dy sfunction. However, when patterns like the above are the norm rather than the exception, they systematically foster abuse and/or neglect.Abuse and neglect inhibit the development of childrens trust in the world, in others, and in themselves. Later as adults, these heap may find it difficult to trust the behaviors and words of others, their own judgement and actions, or their own senses of selfworth. not surprisingly, they may experience problems in their academic work, their relationships, and in their very identities. In common with other people, abused and neglected family members often struggle to stage their families as normal. The more they have to accommodate to make the situation seem normal, the greater is their likelihood of misinterpreting themselves and developing negative self-concepts (e. g. , I had it coming Im a rotten kid). III. The relationship between religious belief and dysfunctional families nonadaptive family members have common symptoms and behavior pattern s as a result of their common experiences within the family structure. This tends to reinforce the dysfunctional behavior, either by means of enabling or perpetuation. The dysfunctional family usually suffers from a variety of issues that may require the help of trained professionals.This is in addition to prayer and other spiritual disciplines. Some of those issues include (1) Individual personality differences and personal issues (2) exposed issues from the past (3) Marital and family problems due to domestic violence and abuse, infidelity, and poor converse (5) Financial problems and poverty (6) Separation/ disjoin resulting in grief and loss and abandonment issues, depression, and sometimes a lack of financial support (7) amiable and physical health problems and (8) Spiritual disconnection.Any of the aforementioned problems can create high levels of distress, and failure to seek help can be lethal. Furthermore, when a major trauma strikes, families are rarely prepared to dea l with it, and if they are unaccustomed to seeking outside help, family members may never recover emotionally. Many people stay away from connecting with matinee idol in a Christian community because they feel they are not good enough. Maybe they are overly critical of themselves, or maybe they know they have not lived the way deity would want them to live.They may be afraid that Christians in church pull up stakes judge them and reject them, and so they stay away. They say, God couldnt really love someone like me. God must be angry with me. They could also be very adept at meeting the perceived expectations of others through self-denial. Denial, repression, splitting, and a false sense of self are often well-developed defense mechanisms. The black and white thinking expressed in such conflicting pairs of opposites as God vs. devil, church vs. world, sin vs.righteousness, leads to repression of anything that might possibly be construed as unacceptable. Constant self-monitoring an d rigid self control, along with confession of every sin in prayer, are often considered the only means of avoiding divine condemnation. In the literalism characteristic of fundamentalism, an evil fantasy or feeling is regarded as just as sinful as an evil act. Impulses and feelings may be considered demonic in origin. In truth, godliness can play a part in yeting the dysfunction of families.For one who has a dysfunctional family, its teachings of obedience, respect for authority and quiet compliance further enforce the debilitating situation. But when you dig deeper into what religion is, you will see clearly what God wants. sacred Institutions throughout history have used fear, control and utilization to build kingdoms made by man. They have left many wounded or dead in the battlefield of dickenss kingdom. organized religion is a powerful tool of the enemy. An extreme example of this is The Taliban and Bin Laden. morality teaches obedience to law. And Christ teaches grace. B ut the scripture has bound all under sin, that the promise by credit in rescuer Christ might be given to those who believe. But before faith came, we were kept under guard by the law, kept for the faith which would afterward be revealed. Galatians 322-23. Learning to trust wholeheartedly in God, and depend on Him to break free from whatever bondage, will bring freedom from these bondages, and make an impact in our broken society.The church should be the one institution where the spirit of fear does not exist and coercion and manipulation are not practiced. IV. Healing dysfunctional families Two centuries ago there was relatively little dispute over the existence of God, or the societally beneficial effect of pop belief in a creator. In the twentieth century extensive secularization occurred in western nations, the United States being the only significant exception (Bishop Bruce Gill et al. Sommerville).Theists often assert that popular belief in a creator is instrumental tow ards providing the honourable, ethical and other foundations necessary for a healthy, cohesive society. Many also contend that general acceptance of evolution, and/or denial of a creator, is contrary to these goals. As he helped initiate the American experiment Benjamin Franklin stated religion will be a powerful regulator of our actions, give us heartsease and tranquility within our minds, and render us benevolent, useful and beneficial to others (Isaacson 87-88).Changes in family life have transformed our society in the last thirty years. One of the biggest has been the virtual disappearance of the male-breadwinner lifestyle and the emerging dominance of the dual-earner couple. running(a) wives and mothers face questions about the effects of their choices on their childrens welfare and their own health under the strain of the second shift, while their husbands confrontand do to in a variety of waysnew opportunities to construct a masculine identity not focused exclusively on b readwinning. leading in education, business, and government debate what policies should be in place to help people manage their work and family lives and who should bear the cost of work-family management. Changing patterns of family physical composition and disruption have also created widespread concern and vociferous policy debates. High divorcement rates raise questions about the effects of divorce on childrens well-being and future success and how to make intermix families work. The problems facing single-parent families have become a focus of policy makers, religious leaders, and the national media.Debates about homosexual unions have led to battles over lively and lesbian spousal relationship in a number of states and many local anesthetic controversies over what legal rights should be extended to homosexual partners. Delayed wedding party and childbearing mean that more American households comprise single adults and unfruitful couples, and remaining childless through out life has become much more common, fueling concern among some about the gloam of the family. All of these salmagundis have led to an increasing pluralism in family life and a new consensus that there are many kinds of loving, caring families.Most people send away some portion of their adult lives outside of a nuclear family, forming and reforming family-like connections periodically over the course of their lives, causing many to rethink long-held assumptions about the necessity of marriage and parenting for adults happiness, security, and well-being. But this pluralism is intensely contested and debated for both moral and social philosophic reasons. Not everyone agrees about what constitutes the good family and what kinds of families are morally legitimate.Many people see the family as the bellwether of our society and find the rapid and numerous changes in family life over the last few decades to be troubling. Some even argue that a devaluing of family life, and especially of lifelong, heterosexual marriage, inevitably leads to a decline of the nation. These debates also focus on questions of resources and inequality. Who has access to the rights that marriage confers? Why does divorce lead to a reduction in women and childrens standard of living, and what can be done to change that? Making ChangesChanges in family life have been a central concern for religious leaders, activists, and local communities of faith. Throughout American history, religion and family have been intertwined and interdependent institutions. Congregations, parishes, and synagogues have provided an important context for families to spend time together and have shaped the religious education and moral development of children and youths. Sociologists have long noted that marriage and parenthood make religion more important to people and increase their participation in local congregations.Sometimes, children who come from dysfunctional families continue in their roles because they a re waiting for their parents to give their permission to change. Like most people, parents in dysfunctional families often feel threatened by changes in their children. As a result, they may thwart efforts to change and insist that the children change back. Some specific changes one can do are (1) Identify unnameable or difficult experiences that happened during your childhood (2) Make a list of your behaviors, beliefs, etc.that you would like to change (3) Next to each breaker point on the list, write down the behavior, belief, etc. that you would like to do/have instead (4) Pick one item on your list and begin practicing the switch behavior or belief. subscribe the easiest item first (5) Once you are able to do the alternate behavior more often than the original, pick another item on the list and practice changing it, too (6) Believe in Gods grace that he will heal all the painful experiences in your list (in no.1) and pray His love will help you change all the behaviors liste d and free you from bondage. References Bishop, George. (1999). What Americans Really Believe, and Why Faith Isnt as Universal as They Think. Free Inquiry 19(3) 38-42 Bruce, Steve. (2001). Christianity in Britain, R. I. P. Sociology of Religion 61 191-203. Forward, S. (1989). Toxic parents Overcoming their hurtful legacy and reclaiming your life. New York Bantam Books. Gill, R, C. Hadaway and P. Marler 1998 Is Religious Belief Declining in Britain?Journal for the Scientific Study of Religion 37 507-16 Isaacson, Walter. (2003) Benjamin Franklin An American Life. New York, Simon & Schuster. Meeting the Needs of Dysfunctional Families Catechist, January, (1993) Sommerville, C. (2002) Starks Age of Faith Argument and the Secularization of Things A. Commentary. Sociology of Religion 63 361-72 Vannicelli, M. (1989). Group psychotherapy with adult children of alcoholics treatment techniques and countertransference. New York Guilford Press.